Getting Jobs
by Ignorance-Only-Destroys-Us
Summary: What happens when the Cullen kids get in trouble and have to get jobs? Read and Review!
1. Chapter 1

**I started writing this a while ago. It's time for me to put it up.**

**Disclaimer - I do not own the Twilight series, or Edward, or Bella, or Alice's car. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer. _No copyright infringement intended._**

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Carlisle POV**

Esme and I pulled up to the house after a weekend away in my shiny black Mercedes. But only chaos and destruction greeted us. And Alice.

We walked in the door to see marker covering the white walls, a crushed piano, feathers covering everything, what looked like jello spilled across the linoleum, a Jasper shaped hole in one wall, and a confused looking Bella sitting in the middle of the living room eating a chocolate chip cookie.

Suddenly Alice came running down the stairs. "Carlisle! Esme! Your Back!" she said, sounding a little fearful.

"ALICE!" I yelled, unable to control my temper. "WHAT HAPPENED HERE!?" I demanded. "Wait, where is everyone?"

"Well, I'm here, Bella is, as you can see eating a cookie, Rosalie ran away, Jasper is hiding upstairs in the closet, and Edward is repainting the Volvo since Rosalie can't do it for him."

"Repainting? What? Why?" I started, but Esme interrupted me.

"Alice." She said quietly. "Where is Emmett."

"Oh yeah. Edward chained him to a tree. Maybe we should get him."

"YES! BRING EVERYONE HERE!!!"

Within a few minutes, everyone, Rose and Emmett included. Had entered the disaster of a living room.

"Your behaviour was inexcusable." I began my lecture, as calmly as I could. I was very disappointed in my five children. I didn't, however, blame Bella whatsoever.

"You will each have to get a job for a week."

"Do we get to choose?" Emmett asked.

"No." I said simply.

"Emmett, you will be a kindergarten teacher. Jasper, you will be a therapist. Alice, an engineer, Rosalie a waitress and Edward," I paused looking at my son. "A male model. You each begin tomorrow."

I left the room, swiftly, followed by Esme, leaving a room full of complaining teenage vampires.

"How long do you think they'll last?" Esme asked.

"Let's just wait and see" I said smiling.

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Hehe this is going to be fun to write. How long do you think Emmett will last in a classroom full of five year olds? Mwahahaha 

Review, review, review. It'll make my day. Just press the little purply blue-ish colored button! You know you WAAAAAANT to!


	2. Chapter 2

**Just to clear things up. The first chapter was just a prologue, I'll probably turn it into a whole fanfic in itself, but basically what happened was a fight between the cullen "kids". I mean siblings fight right? This fight was just on a larger scale. A vampire scale. Haha**

**Anyway, I wrote most of this chapter a while ago. I don't know if it's any good, but this is were I got the idea for the whole fanfic. I just needed something to lead up to it. Wich resulted in the prologue thing-y. I'm very sorry if anyone seems out of character!**

**Disclaimer - I do not own anything to do with the Twilight series. It belongs to Stephenie Meyer. The sad part is I never WILL own it...sniff But I can still play with Stephenie's characters. Mwahahaha**

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What kind of cruel, unusual, punishment was this? Me! Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, a male model. ARGH! It just wasn't right! This was going to be torture!

At least my angel was there with me though. Carlisle was generous enough to let her come. But then again was it a good thing? Having her come with me? Watching me in my agony?

I pulled up to the gray building. After opening the car door for Bella, we stepped into the mad-house, to meet my fate.

"It'll be fine, Edward." Bella said reading my face, and standing up on her tippy toes to kiss my cheek. "It'll only be for a week." She comforted.

"I know, love." I replied, trying not to let the fear slip into my calm tone. "A very, very, long week." I added under my breath, certain that Bella couldn't hear.

We walked, hand in hand, in to the building. It was filled with people. Models, make up artists, fashion experts, and camera men. All thinking different things at the same time! Ah! Panic filled me a again and I prepared to bolt. Bella felt me tense and stopped me. "Edward, come on. I told you it'll be fine."

Just then a woman walked up to us.

"You must be Edward. Carlisle told me you were coming. I'm _Ms. _Scarlett." She said. Emphasizing the fact that she was single. "Who is this?" she added, glancing at Bella.

"This is Bella, my girlfriend. You won't mind if she stays will you?" I asked, smiling, dazzling her.

_Wow, he's actually quite good looking. No wait he's HOT. Maybe he'll decide to model permanently. __Mmm__, more eye candy for me. Just look at that hair! _

I coughed loudly, interrupting her thoughts.

"Oh, that shouldn't be a problem." She said. "Right this way."

I followed her dragging Bella along with me. Suddenly Bella seemed nervous too. Almost as nervous as I was. Male model!? Just wait until I get my hands on Carlisle!

"Hmm. We don't seem to have any camera men available." Ms Scarlett began. "But, it's fine. I can take the pictures myself."

_Just you and me...OH! __And that girl.__ She's so ordinary. I'm much prettier than she is. She doesn't deserve him!_

I coughed again; louder this time.

"Okay then, let's start with home head shots shall we?" she asked. "Okay, now lean your head this way. Just a little more..." she said guiding me. She reached out to touch my cheek and gently push my head the direction she wanted, but before she could make contact I leaned my head the way I saw it leaned in her mind.

After snapping a few dozen pictures, she stepped away from the camera. "Okay. Now, Edward. Could you remove your shirt?" she asked all too sweetly. I swore I heard Bella growl. Actually growl.

"Hurry Edward. We don't have all day." She said in the same sickly sweet tone, I assumed was supposed to be seductive.

I glanced at Bella. She rolled her eyes and nodded. I pulled my t-shirt over my head. This was going to be a very long week indeed.

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**Sorry, I didn't mean for it to be a cliffie. Next chapter will proabably be from Jasper pov. But we'll see. Then again maybe it'll be about Emmett. **

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! You know you want to! It'll make my day! Just take a few seconds to review! Please and thank you!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay everyone, sorry for the wait, I was having some trouble with my computer, but, finally, chapter three is up! Clap everyone! ****Haha**

**Anyway, just to let everyone know, someone mentioned that their jobs didn't seem to suit their personalities. They aren't supposed to! I mean, it IS a punishment. I wanted jobs that would conflict with their personalities and/or abilities. Just to clear that up.**

**DISCLAIMER**

**Me – Twilight, twilight.**** Where for art thou Twilight? Deny thy author, ****Stephenie**** Meyer and refuse thy publishing company and if thou wilt not...**

**Stephenie**** Meyer – Twilight is MINE. I have the copyright to prove it!**

**Me – But, but**

**Stephenie**** – And leave the Shakespeare to professionals too. Okay?**

**Me - sniff FINE!!**

Jasper POV

Great! Exactly what I needed. A week not only spent away from my beautiful wife, Alice, but spent with a bunch of emotionally needy humans.

Not only did their blood smell so unbelievably delicious, but I had to help them sort through their mental, ahem, issues.

I had what could be considered the ideal gift for the job. Being able to affect the emotions of others, but don't forget exactly how much I am affected by their emotions as well. This week would very well be an emotional rollercoaster ride. And I had already gone through puberty! Sure maybe it was a few hundred years ago, but still! And I don't even like roller coasters. (Filled with far too many excited and nauseous humans on sugar-highs and adrenalin rushes for my tastes)

I had borrowed Carlisle's car, seeing as I didn't have my own, to drive to the "Hospital for the Emotionaly and Psychologically Challenged" in Seattle.

I stepped into the claustrophobia inducing building. It smelt awful and amazing at the same time. A combination of bleach and other chemical cleaning products and BLOOD.

Blood! Blood! Blood! I heard my thoughts race, out of my control, venom pooling into my mouth.

"Excuse me sir" A short, balding man walked up to me suddenly, obviously unaware that I wanted to suck him dry...pardon my word choice.

"You must be my replacement for the week. Jasper Hale, correct?"

I nodded, Carlisle had informed me that a certain therapist had chosen to take this week of for his vacation to Mexico and I would be replacing him, for the time being.

"Well,heresyourscheduel,yourofficeisdownthehallthirddoorontheleft,lunchbreakstartsat12:30,haveagreatweek,goodluck,gottagobye!" He spoke quickly, hardly breathing, even with my vampire speed it was hard to make out. I understood that my office was to be the third door down on the left, something about a lunch break, and luck.

He thrust a sheet of paper, which I discovered to be a list of patients that would be coming in that week, at me, and fled out the door like a bat out of hell.

I was left standing in the doorway of the building feeling even less optimistic about the challenge that lay ahead of me.

For a therapist, that man seemed a little sick to the head, if you get my meaning. I just hoped I could hold onto as much of my sanity as possible throughout the week.

I glanced down at the schedule, and noticed that my first patient would arrive in less than twenty minutes.

I walked down the empty hall until I reached a door with a black metal sign on it that read "Dr. I.N. Saayne" and a piece of paper below it with the name "Jasper Hale" written on it. I assumed that Dr. Saayne was the one who had just left, and clearly this was the office I was to use.

I couldn't help but notice the irony of his name. Dr. I.N. Saayne – Insaayne – Insane, the connection seemed strange.

I pushed the door open and stepped into the small office. Inside, was a dark brown loveseat that clashed horribly with the red-ish coloured wood of an oversized writing desk, and a white book case. The chair behind the desk was small and blue and looking insignificant in comparison to the desk. Actually, everything seemed insignificant to the desk. It was, by far, the largest thing in the room.

EsmeI thought bleakly. Would have a heart attack, if she saw this room. She would definitely have to speak with the designer. And then end up redoing the entire room, and then the entire office.

After a few moments in the room, I heard a knock at the door and a voice on the other side say "Fine Mom, I'm going see? I'll put up with the therapy, or whatever. I just don't see why I ha-" I cut her off by opening the door.

A tall, thin, teenage girl of about 15 stood outside the door. She had flaming red hair and dark green eyes, although you could hardly see them through eyeliner. Her face was nearly covered in acne and freckles.

"Anna?" I asked.

"That's me." She said blowing a bright pink bubble with her gum.

"So your my first patient, hey?"

"Guess so." She said uninterested and unenthusiastic.

So this was my first patient. Although her emotions weren't too out of control I doubted my first session would go perfectly smoothly. How right I was indeed.

I sat down behind the large desk and gestured for her to have a seat on the couch. I noticed a file with my patients name scribbled on it. Anna Jones. I read the entire document in just a few seconds.

Apparently, her parents sent her to a therapist because of "strange rebellious behaviour". I concluded she was probably your typical teenager.

"So, how are you feeling?" I asked attempting to be inconspicuous.

"Fine, I suppose." She answered.

"Just, fine?" I questioned.

"Well yeah I guess." She said.

"Why?" I asked prying, trying to get her to tell me more.

After a moment she opened up.

"Well. I mean, I thought I was fine. But maybe I'm not."

"What's bothering you?" I asked, noticing there was something else behind her statement. "What's really bothering you?"

And then she exploded, not physically but emotionally. I was almost overcome by a wave of humiliation, frustration, and annoyance.

"What's really bothering me?" she repeated. "What's really bothering me? What's REALLY bothering me is the fact that my parents think I'm psycho and sent me to a therapist! I mean really, what is that supposed to tell me coming from a bald old man who sings songs from the Phantom of the Opera and a crazy woman who dies her hair every few weeks, is addicted to Jazzercise, and looks over her right shoulder every ten seconds like she has a twitch! It's like she thinks there is going to be someone there, leaning over her with a knife of something!"

She took a deep breath, and so did I, although it was unnecessary. I was doing my best to calm her down, but her own emotions were so strong they were affecting me.

"And then they send me to a therapist. Maybe I was a little upset when my boyfriend dumped me for my best friend, but really I'm just your typical, acne-prone, slightly over-dramatic, self conscious teenager. I mean please! I'm really not the crazy one in the family!"

She continued again until she was out of breath. "Wow that felt good!" she said. "I finally have that all off my chest! Maybe coming here was a good idea after all. Thanks Dr. Hale. I'll see you tomorrow!" and she bounded out of the room, as happy as can be, with a little added bonus from me.

And there I was left, speechless, for the second time that day. Well, one patient down, I ticked off in my brain. Although that one was a little strange.

I sat and awaited the next one. I sighed. This would be a long week.

**Haha****, so there's the third chapter. ****Review, review, review.**** If you do I'll...I'll...I'll GIVE YOU CHOCOLATE! ****Haha****, I shall bribe you with chocolate, that always works. ****Mwahahaha****, and soon everyone who reads this will be compelled to review...Even if it's just to get chocolate. MWAHAHAHAHAHA**

**Okay, you get the point. JUST REVIEW! Jeez...**


	4. Chapter 4

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Oky doky, so maybe I haven't updated in like a zillion years but late or not. HERE IT IS! Hope you're happy. It's not incredibly long, but it should satisfy you for a little while, well until I get the next chapter up which will hopefully be faster than this last chapter.

Disclaimer - Unfortunately, I do not own Twilight nor any of the character's in it. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer.

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_Emmet POV_

Okay, so I wasn't so excited about this whole job thing. But it doesn't seem like it'll be that hard. I mean, ha, Edwards stuck as a male model. He'll hate that job. And Rose as a waitress? My poor, poor, wife.

But me? Yeah I'm going to spend the week with a bunch of five-year-olds. I'm nearly a hundred years old, with super speed and senses, as well as EXTRA super strength. I'm sure I can handle some kindergarten kids!

I sat at the teacher's desk in one of the corners of the classroom. The room was filled with books, a chest full of dress up clothes, an arts-and-crafts section and building blocks, all set up in an organised manner. All that was missing were the kids, who would be all be arriving in a just a few minutes, according to the large clock on the wall.

Soon enough all the little kiddies started filing in dragging Spiderman and Barbie backpacks. They looked innocent enough.

One little girl with a My Little Pony backpack walked over to me nervously.

"Mister." She said quietly. "Where is Ms. G?"

"Your teacher has the flu." I answered her. "She should be back in a few days, but until then I'm your substitute teacher. Kay? Now go put your bag away and we'll do some art's and crafts."

I was SO getting a hang of the whole teacher thing. These kids were going to love me. I could teach them how to make one mean paper airplane. I loved arts and crafts.

But the little girl couldn't go put her backpack away could she? No! Instead she turns to the other little kiddies and yells "SUBSTITUTE TEACHER! YOU NOW WHAT THAT MEANS!" All the other kids looked at her and smiled evilly. That girl definitely had a good evil laugh. I wonder if she practiced that. I mean, she could give Aro a run for his money in the evil laugh department and I know HE practices.

But back to the story...

So within about thirty seconds of the little girl's yell all of the kids seized paint or glue or both or whatever sticky, hard, gooey, or smelly substance was closest to them and began flinging it through the air. Most of it directed at me, although some was towards other students.

Quick as lightning (or as quick as my super-human vampire speed would alow) I dashed towards the open door. Yeah yeah. So I look like the cowardly lion fleeing from a mouse – a vampire running from a bunch of kindergarten kids, but seriously. This was a fight or flight situation and since I can't fight without crushing one of their skulls or breaking a wall I'd have to flee. I can't imagine the kiddies' parents being very happy with me if I killed their child by accident. And the janitor and schoole board weouldn't be exceptionally happy with me if I broke the school. Ehem. So I started running instead.

And you know what happened? Some little twerp made it to the door before me, (he WAS closer too it I must say, no 5-year-old is faster than EMMETT!) dashed outside and locked the door. It was either break the door or be left to my doom!

Suddenly I heard a little voice behind me yell "Hey Teacher! Running away are you? What are you afraid!?"

I spun around to face the little monster. "You wanna say that again?" I asked.

"I said 'What are you AFRAID!?'"

"NO!"

"BETCHA YOU ARE!"

"BETCHA I'M NOT!"

"YUHUH!"

Just as I had taken a deep breath to yell back something cold, wet, and slimy hit me in the face. I straightened up to my full height let out all my air as calmy as I could and wiped some of the substance of my face with my right hand and looked at it. Green paint. Lovely. Just lovely.

Okay, yeah. I'm just ending there. Next chapter will probably be about Roseaslie and her job waitressing. That should be fun to write. I have a few ideas.

Review please! I really love feedback!

-KK


	5. Chapter 5

**Well. I wrote this pretty quickly so it isn't perfect. I'm sorry for any inconsitancies, I don't have a beta and only do so much proof reading. So if Rose gives iced tea to the same person twice I'm sorry. My bad.**

**No guys hit on Rosealie just yet, but don't worry, there will be a long day ahead of poor Rose and then the rest of the week too. Wow. I have a lot of writing a head of me. Yikes.**

**Disclaimer - I don't own Twilight. Never have. Never will. (sadly)**

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Waitressing? This was a joke right? Carlisle and Esme are just playing some joke on us, they must be!

I cringed as I pulled up to the shabby restaurant in my shiny BMW.

A very very sick joke.

I hopped out of my car, my baby. I smiled with satisfaction at how out of place my car looked. It was clearly the nicest car in the parking lot, which, I noticed, could use a repaving. I sighed. I liked being the best. And having the best. Especially cars. And clothes of course.

I smoothed out my shirt and adjusted my miniskirt and walked gracefully (as always) into the cheap restaurant.

A short pot bellied man approached me as I walked in.

"We aren't open yet Miss." He informed me.

"Oh, I know." I replied. "I'm Rosalie Hale...Carlisle said he would..." but the man cut me off mid-sentence.

"Oh! Yes, Carlisle told me you'd be coming! So you're working for me for the week, eh?"

"Yes." I admitted, swallowing. This was not going to be fun.

"Well, I'm Norman. I own the restaurant. You may follow me. I'll show you around." He gestured for me to follow him. "You've waitressed before, haven't you?"

I nodded. I had a very long time ago and I had had no intention of ever doing so again until now. I hated waitressing. That was the point. This was punishment, although, I was still waiting for Carlisle to jump out and tell me that it was just a joke, but I knew I was dreaming.

Norman turned to walk towards the kitchen, I sighed and followed unenthusiastically. He proceeded to introduce me to my fellow waiters and waitresses as well as the kitchen staff. He showed me where to find anything I'd need, menus etc...What tables I would be covering as I tried to look a little less bored than I actually was. Humans were so slow.

"Well, we open in at 8." He said as he checked his watch. "So in about 5 minutes. Good luck. If you need anything you can come find me, or Jane will help you." He said as he gestured to a short, mousy girl he had previously introduced me too.

I smiled reasonably sweetly, considering my mood and how much effort it took to keep my face from a scowl.

The girl grinned back.

Hmm. Most girls hated me for being better looking than them. This one seemed actually sincerely nice, but in that annoying, follow-you-around, sort of wannabe-helpful, Labrador retriever kind of way. I hated that type. Just what I needed. A puppy.

Suddenly the door was opened and in walked a family of four. Jane pushed me forward.

"You can have the first customers!" she said with a smile.

Pfft. As if she was giving me a present or something.

"A table for four?" I asked.

The man, clearly the father, nodded. I grabbed four menus, two regular, two children. And led them to a booth near a window. "Booth okay?" I questioned.

"Oh yes, this will be fine." The mother said seating herself.

The two kids, both boys about ages 3 and 5 I'd guess sat down, as well as their father.

"Do you know what you'd like to drink?" I asked. "Or should I come back in a minute?"

"Umm...I think we can order now." The mother said. "I'll have an ice tea...and can I get two chocolate milks for the boys. And Kyle..?"

"I'll have an Iced Tea, please." Her husband finished.

"I'll be right back with your drinks to take your order." I said sweetly.

Ah. This was hell. I'd be doing this all day for 5 days. Yes. Torture.

I noticed that several other tables had begun to fill up with people coming in for breakfast. I had to admit, for such a shabby, old restaurant the place certainly got a good number of customers.

After taking the two iced teas and two milks to the table I stopped by the door to seat two more customers to a table.

This time it was a man and woman, both in their twenties, dating I assumed. "A table for two?" I asked.

They both nodded.

I led them towards a table near a window. And set the menus down.

'Umm...actually, we'd prefer a booth." The girl said.

"No, **honey**, we'll be just fine here." He argued.

"Actually, **darling**, I prefer booths." She argued back.

"Um, actually we don't have any booths open. Sorry. You don't mind staying here do you?" I asked, mainly looking at her.

"Well, I suppose this will do." She said.

I took their order for drinks and headed back to the kitchen to get the meals for the first family. With my vampire hearing I could hear the couple arguing.

"I don't like the way you look at her!" she said.

"Look at who?" he asked stupidly.

"THE WAITRESS!" she hissed.

"What do you mean?"

"You never look at me that way anymore?"

"Of course I do Tiffany!"

"Oh no you don't! Don't even lie!"

Oh joy. One of THOSE couples. I knew the look on that guys face. Lots of guys look at me like that, she wasn't lying. I grabbed the plates for the family of four and continued eavesdropping. Their arguing kind of amused me. What was the use of vampire hearing if you couldn't use it.

"Tiffy..."

"Don't Tiffy me."

"Relax. Let's just enjoy our breakfast, and the rest of this road trip."

So that's what it was. A road trip. Guaranteed to end a relationship. Well, most relationships of course. Spending that much time, that close to someone no matter who it is caused arguing. I dropped drinks off at their table but they hardly notices, they were to deep in argument to noticed, I decided to wait and take their order later than to interrupt their...conversation.

I stopped by themy first table to check on the family. "Hows the food tasting?"

"Great." The mother said.

"Delicious." Her husband commented.

At that moment the three year old chose to throw a handful of his scrambled egg at me.

"Egg!" he squealed.

"Freddie!" his mother scolded.

"Miss?" the five year old looked at me. "You've got something on your shirt."

"I'll be back soon." I smiled as sweetly as I could.

Fighting couples and annoying little brats with flying food. Joy. And it was only 8:30.

**Well there's another chapter. I told you it would be up quicker. I'm leaving in a few days and I'll be gone about a week and a half so I might not update until I get back. Unless I get another chapter up before I leave. And then there's a few weeks until school starts, but I get pretty busy with like drama, and voice, and homework, and volleyball and everything. So I'll keep updating as much as I can, but we'll se. I'm just warning you.**

**Hmm. Let's see. Edward. Check. Jasper. Check. Emmett. Check. Rosalie. Check. That leaves...ALICE! Alice's first chapter next.**

**Anywho. Please please please review! I always get a dissapointing number of reviews. I'd really really love to hear from you. Just click the little button and type a couple words, it's not that hard and it doesn't take up that much of your time. Please and thankyou. **

**--LTC**


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